It's amazing how life just doesn't stop, not even for the most tragic of things, even though so badly you want it to stop and rewind, or just make it seem like other people are not oblivious to your pain. The pain of losing Oakley has subsided for the most part, although seeing certain pictures or thinking of certain memories are still capable of making me cry. Last Friday, I picked up Oakley's ashes. It was bittersweet to say the least in the sense that I hated that he was now just a box of dust, however, it felt like he was home again as I held what was left of him in my arms, close to my heart. I cried for him, sitting in my car, wishing so much I could actually be hugging him close and giving him as many kisses as I could, burying my face in his neck. John and I will be searching for a little box or urn of some sort. I don't care what some people say, I would like to hang on to his ashes for awhile.
Last night was the 4th. We usually take both dogs for a walk as we have a great place to watch the city's fireworks display in the neighborhood park. It felt so strange for the 2 of us to just be walking Maya - no Oakley walking in front of John, and Maya in front of me, as was the normal way of things. Walks are still very subdued; the excitement of them isn't the same without Oakley, who was always wanting to check out everything no matter how many times he's walked that same route. Our little family has changed, that is for sure, and it's still taking some time to get used to it.
You will always be in my heart, Oakley. My special dog and companion, forever and ever.
Sara
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