Some big news!

John and I put a deposit down for a male German Shepard yesterday.  We went and visited a kennel/training facility just outside of St. Peter.  We were very impressed by Mark and his GSDs and his overall philosphy towards training, teaching and raising the breed.  He was very knowledgable and kind.  His dogs were all so beautiful with wonderful temperaments - very unique.  We stand a very good chance at getting a puppy as we were the 2nd couple to put down a deposit for a male on the 2nd of two litters coming up in August.  So, if all goes well, we'll have a new member of the family by the first week of October or so!

I still think about Oakley every day and miss him terribly.  Just last night, we ordered chinese food and when the door bell rang, I instintively waited for Oakley to start barking like crazy and barrel down the stairs to the front door.  Then it dawned on me the reality of it and I realized that was not going to happen.  No one has ringed the doorbell since he has been gone, so it was a shock when it didn't happen.  I had just about been ready to shout his name - it was a bit depressing to say the least.


Love ya, Oakley!



 

Recent "goings on"...

Looking at those pictures in my last blog just now brought a huge wave of sadness and tears.  God, I miss Oakley.  What the hell is wrong with me?!  I still feel like there this this giant hole in my heart.  My home at times still feels so lonely and sad.  Maya actually seems especially depressed.  I'm not sure she can do well as a single dog.  We were on the verge of taking in a dog from an acquaintence of mine who could no longer keep her dog.  He isn't the type of dog I would ever consider adopting and it's been a struggle making a decision like this.  She had originally brought him to the St. Paul AHS who deemed him not adoptable and were going to euthanize him the other day until she went back and brought him home.  They claimed he was mean and aggressive, which apparently was news to my friend.  I met him yesterday and it was so far from the truth.  He actually came back rail thin with sores on his mouth and elbows.  I have no idea what that poor dog went through while being at the AHS.  It kind of frightens me.  He is an absolute sweetie, a bit high energy, but he's not even 2 yet.  It turns for now that someone else is going to take him.  If it doesn't work out, then we'll probably take him, although, I'm not sure he's a good match only because Maya is not as limber and active as she used to be.  But, it could bring her out of her funk.  I don't know what will happen, but there is a possibility he will end up in our household.  John isn't quite ready, and I'm not sure that I really am either, but if I need to foster him for a bit, that would be fine.  We'll see what happens this week.

Anyway, I still miss ya buddy.  I don't think it will ever go away.  John and I cooked up a crab/shrimp boil yesterday an I wanted to bad to be able to give Oakley a little corn on the cob and some beef sausage.  He would have loved that so much!

Some recent pics of Oakley before he passed

Here's Oakley sneaking a peek at the neighbor dog who loved to torment him through the fence.

Aw, what a sweet boy!

Just spending some time on the deck.

This picture was actually taken 2 days before his death.  One look at him and you would never think that he was sick...although in this picture he was having difficulty breathing and not eating.  This was pretty much right before I brought him to the UofM and he ended up being admitted to ICU.  I never imagined that his life would be over in the next 48 hrs, and that pneumonia was ultimately going to be what ended his life.

Oakley - you are beautiful and so handsome and you were taken from me much too soon!  I miss you so much!  I don't think I will ever stop wishing that I could turn back the clock and react sooner to what was happening.  I know I can't feel guilty, but it is so hard not to feel that.  I keep trying to remind myself that they found the cancer in your lymphnodes and most likely in your lungs, too, and that maybe it was better that you went this way.  Please know that what we did was out of love for you and so that you wouldn't suffer any more.  I tried everything that I could for you.  

Okay, I've had a minor set back...looking at these pictures perhaps wasn't a good idea, afterall.

Life just continues on its way...

It's amazing how life just doesn't stop, not even for the most tragic of things, even though so badly you want it to stop and rewind, or just make it seem like other people are not oblivious to your pain.   The pain of losing Oakley has subsided for the most part, although seeing certain pictures or thinking of certain memories are still capable of making me cry.  Last Friday, I picked up Oakley's ashes.  It was bittersweet to say the least in the sense that I hated that he was now just a box of dust, however, it felt like he was home again as I held what was left of him in my arms, close to my heart.  I cried for him, sitting in my car, wishing so much I could actually be hugging him close and giving him as many kisses as I could, burying my face in his neck.  John and I will be searching for a little box or urn of some sort.  I don't care what some people say, I would like to hang on to his ashes for awhile.

Last night was the 4th.  We usually take both dogs for a walk as we have a great place to watch the city's fireworks display in the neighborhood park.  It felt so strange for the 2 of us to just be walking Maya - no Oakley walking in front of John, and Maya in front of me, as was the normal way of things.  Walks are still very subdued; the excitement of them isn't the same without Oakley, who was always wanting to check out everything no matter how many times he's walked that same route.  Our little family has changed, that is for sure, and it's still taking some time to get used to it. 

You will always be in my heart, Oakley.  My special dog and companion, forever and ever.

Sara