I miss you...more than ever

My Oakley-Doakley,

The last 3 days have been the most difficult of my life.  It is so hard not to have you here by my side, as you always were.  Maya is not herself and John is beyond crushed.  We are all so heartbroken that you are gone.  We love you so much.  We received a sympathy card from Dr. Johnston, the doctor who took care of you at the U.  We were blessed to have such a kind and caring person taking care of you.  I spoke to her yesterday and she helped me understand that we truly did everything that we could for you.  I didn't want you to suffer any more than you were; it wasn't possible to reverse what was inevitably happening.  Please know that I tried everything I could, my sweet boy. 

It comes in waves; deep sadness and lots of tears.  I feel like I am fine, but then all of a sudden I think of you and the tears start streaming down my face.  I have woken up sobbing - missing you so much that I can barely breathe.  I think how is it possible that you were taken from me so young.   I can't help but think that you were still just my little pup and had so much life to live.  It just seemed impossible that one day I was going to actually lose you.  Home just doesn't feel like home without you here.  It feels unfamiliar and strange.  I know it will get better and the sadness will subside, but I would give anything to be able to hold you one more time and give you a great big hug and kiss and tell you that I love you.  But, I know that wherever you are that you are happy; I have to believe that.   I'm sure that you are making many new friends and waiting patiently to see us again.  

You are forever in my heart, my Oakers.  We all miss you so much!!